Healthy ways to release anger – FIT IS A FEMINIST ISSUE

I grew up with a sense that I needed to hide my feelings of anger. My Dad didn’t know how to control his. He didn’t hit us. He lost his temper. My sister and came to explain it as, “it’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”. My Dad was either, very quiet and passive, or, something made him lose his temper, and he became a totally different, frightening, person. His face would contort. His voice would raise. His words became mean. His “accent of origin (South African)” would become more noticeable.

My Dad is now 87, and, partly because of medication, and partly, because of age, he is much more mellow. I still look for signs of face twitching. I still get ready to bolt if I see it starting.

My Dad is not a bad person. Anger is a natural emotion. There are always reasons for anger. Genetic, experiential, generational trauma, etc. Like many people of his generation, he never really learned effective ways to manage his anger. He found ways to manage his depression and anxiety, which, most of the time, keeps his quick temper at bay.

I can let feelings build and then get angry in ways that remind me of my Dad. I have been fortunate to have a different set of circumstances that have enabled me to be able to have different outcomes with the way I manage my emotions. I consider it crucial to be constantly thinking of ways to manage my emotions, including anger, in a healthy way.

Because of my experience with anger, I tend to avoid circumstances that may cause me to release anger in an unhealthy way. I feel this repression of emotions may have hindered me in some ways. It may have prevented me from realizing my full potential by avoiding situations (academically, for example) where I would have had to learn how to make arguments without letting my emotions get the better of me.

I bring up this discussion of anger, because there are so many things to get angry about these days. Sam wrote about anger and injustice here: https://fitisafeministissue.com/2025/03/15/anger-and-injustice-and-some-worries-about-resiliency/.

It’s more important than ever to think about ways to release anger in a healthy way.

I recall going to a therapist in my 30s who suggested I release feelings of anger while I’m running. She described thinking about releasing the feelings of anger, kind of like dumping water on the sidewalk. I remember thinking this was odd and I’m not sure I want to release my anger that way.

Of course, I do find running and other forms of exercise, to be a good way to increase resilience in order to prvent being triggered by anger. The endorphins released at the end of a good workout, can last for awhile and help build resiliency. I also find long, endurance runs, very meditative. Exercise just makes me feel so much better, overall, and, this makes me feel as though I can weather feelings of anger in a healthier way. Even if that feeling of strength is just metaphorical in relation to what is going on in the world, it can help feel less helpless. I think feeling helpless is one of the reasons people can tend towards feelings of anger.

But why not just vent, you say?! It can feel good to vent a little bit, in a safe space, but this article: https://www.sciencealert.com/venting-doesnt-reduce-anger-but-something-else-does-study-reveals, suggests that venting does not reduce anger. I think it depends on how long, perhaps. Any amount of ruminating is bound to be counter-productive. I have had a vent session that has made me feel better, but, I have also, had vent sessions that seemed to exacerbate the feelings of anger.

OK, so how about activities that promote feelings of calm? The article says that, “Calming activities reduced anger in the lab and the field, they found, and across other variables like methods of instruction or participant demographics. Effective arousal-reducing activities included slow-flow yoga, mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, diaphragmatic breathing, and taking a timeout.”

I don’t think we can underestimate the power of connection, laughter, storytelling, friendship and community, in providing safe spaces to release feelings of anger and to help prevent the anger from building to unhealthy levels. I think we all have witnessed situations where someone may say something out loud and through talking it out it helped ease their annoyance on that topic. Whereas, if they had kept those thoughts in their head and repeated them without “testing them out” outside their head, they would have let their feelings of anger on that topic build, in a disproportionate way to the issue. I think the power of these relationships is especially useful “in the real world”.

Online communities can provide social connection and safe spaces for the type of discussions described above. However, they can also become spaces where people echo thoughts in their head in a way that only amplifies their thoughts and increase feelings of anger. I see real value in certain online communities (see FIFI) but I think we need be careful about not relying on online communities to provide release of angry emotions. These places can actually fuel these feelings. How many times have we started saying something, in real life, that we may say, easily, online, and it felt funny saying it out loud. With the rise of misinformation online and unnecessary inflammatory interactions, perhaps, we should increase real life interactions that promote open, healthy, conversations, that can help bring reasoned conclusions, rather than inflammed talking points.

So, community, can you share examples of effective ways you have found to help you handle your feelings of anger?